The topic of women “having it all” has been around for dozen of years. Countless books, magazines, and videos have been made discussing this debatable topic, putting pressure on women. Does having children really affect a women’s career? Studies have shown that yes, having children will affect a women’s career and the way she performs at her job. But having it all isn’t necessarily a myth, but a complicated issue.
According to Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook author of Lean in: Women, Work and the Will to Lead she states “43% of highly qualified women with children are leaving careers or off-ramping for a period of time.” Women married or not will often be the primary caretaker of the child, “The historical choice has been the mother. Breastfeeding alone has made this both the logical and the biological choice” Sandberg says because of this “primary care” women will often face more responsibilities to their child than the child’s father will, with so much on their plate ultimately impacting their performance at work.
Responsibilities for working mothers include doctor appointments, school meetings, no caretaker, and sick children, on top of their responsibilities at work. One of the top conversations discussed among mothers is the infamous “mom guilt.” Mom guilt is the feeling of guilt and anxiety that comes from being away from your children, or feeling you are failing or falling short from your expectations. Many women have been known to give up or put a pause on their career is in order to witness their child’s milestones as they grow. My mother took few years off work when I was born for these same reasons. Now that I’m old enough to understand the sacrifices women will make for their children, I can’t help but empathize as a woman myself, although it is a personal choice I can imagine it is still a bittersweet decision to postpone a career you've worked hard for. In today’s climate modern women are said to feel mom guilt more than ever before. Do to social media, judgement, high expectations of teachers, and other mothers play a role in mom guilt, which ultimately ends up affecting their careers, and how well they perform at work, as some mothers may not be mentally present at work.
As stated by the journal Demography “prior research shows that mothers earn lower hourly wages than women without children, and that this maternal wage penalty cannot be fully explained by differences between mothers and other women in work experience and job characteristics.” It seem as of 2018, the motherhood penalty is still affecting women who have children. Employers may perceive mothers who have an unconscious work history as uncommitted to their jobs or careers, as well as long hours are a sign of commitment and leadership potential to employers. This gap affects women of all social classes as employers will consider a person's experience and qualifications before hiring a person. Many people have argued that the gender wage gap between men and women is largely do to motherhood. Unmarried women without children are earning closer to men's pay, leaving mothers behind.
More and more US women have reportedly chosen to wait on having children. “ In Maine, the rate of women ages 35 to 39 giving birth for the first time increased by 35.3 percent from 2000 to 2012.” Women now earn the roughly 57% of all bachelor degrees in the US, making this another reason women are delaying the process of having children yet there’s still more men in the workforce. Most women recognize the impact children have on their lives whether they have children early or later on in life but financial stability, secure job, and education make having it all a lot easier.
Not only are women delaying having children for their careers, but many more women do not want children at all. According to an article by the New York Times “Many women said motherhood had become more of a choice.” In fact one of the most famous woman in the world Oprah Winfrey agrees that children aren’t for every woman. In 2013 Winfrey told The Hollywood Reporter “My best friend was the kind of kid who, in seventh grade home ec class, was writing down her name and the names of her children. While she was having those kind of daydreams, I was having daydreams about how I could be Martin Luther King.” By stating she’d rather become Martin Luther King Jr, than to have children, Winfrey was determined to focus on her career, making a change in the world, and impacting the lives of others. Oprah chose the life that was right for her, having it all is attainable, It just depends what “all” means to you.
According to the New York Times, The Upshot column, “the difficulty of balancing it all has not changed.” Working parents say they feel stressed, tired, rushed and short on quality time with their children, friends, partners or hobbies. This is not an individual problem, but a social problem. Policies like paid family leave, and after school child care significantly ease the stress, and pressured feeling working parents have. Even with both parents working full time women still do the majority of the child care and housework, particularly managing the mental checklists of their children’s schedules and needs.
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